YES a highly sensitive child's wobbles and melt-downs can feel totally frustrating at times! Especially if you’re tired and running low on patience.
The eruptions and upsets of a more highly strung child can be inconvenient too if you’re trying to get out of the house- and no doubt you’ve felt like all eyes are on you when it happens in public- eeek!
I love this quote and I say it to my boys often. You might remember hearing this quote in The Greatest Showman? What an awesome film for teaching kids the importance of chasing dreams and accepting people for who they are!
Very commonly when a parent comes to me for help, they are battling to explain being HSP to a partner or other family member who is either struggling to believe that it is a ‘real thing’ OR is struggling to come to terms with their child being ‘different’.
So if this is you, feel free to share this post with them. I also have a free course designed to warm up and inspire even the most reluctant of parents to the idea of change!
It’s incredibly confusing and overwhelming to have a child who seems to react to the world differently to the norm. It leaves you wondering:
Is it my fault?
Have I done anything to cause this?
Is there a way to fix it?
What’s gone wrong for them?
I'd like you to know that nothing has gone wrong-and it’s most certainly not your fault that they seem to have such an intense experience of life.
So if you’re currently worried about why your child is so emotionally sensitive, I’m here to let you know that approximately 1 in 5 people are and that with the right nurturing, it can be an absolute blessing to the world.
We’ve All Known a Board Flipper!
In his head he has filtered out all the wins into his spam folder! They are remembered far less. Whilst game boards aren’t being flipped quite so frequently as he’s getting older, his mindset still needs some work!
You see he’s telling himself that he has to WIN otherwise he must be RUBBISH! This ‘black and white’ (‘either/or’) thinking is such a problem if carried through life. (It’s also such a pain in the arse every games night!)
What doesn’t help matters, is that his younger brother is so jammy when it comes to games and wins more often than any of us! This has reinforced his negative mindset around playing even more. So, when he thrashed his brother at a game of chess the other day, I took the opportunity to show him the light.
I made sure he recognised that it took skill to win chess and that this experience was logged in his memory. I also reminded him that he wasn’t king of the world and that he can’t win ALL the time!
I will remind him of this as often as I can, so that it becomes a part of his own inner voice.
My son had managed to form an identity of being rubbish at board games. This meant that he felt doomed to lose before he’d even started. This also meant that every time he proved his belief right, it was a complete catastrophe to him!
However, if carried through life this thinking can lead to a host of issues. This includes low self-esteem, victim-mentality, negative thinking and over-reacting to situations. Black and white thinking also plays a large part in the development of fears, phobias, anxiety and depression.
If you have a sore loser too, pick the right moment to talk to them about it! Sit with your child as calmly and warmly as you can whilst they are in melt-down mode. There’s no point trying to rationalise with them if they’re totally stressed out.
If they have built an identity of themselves as a ‘loser’ then you will need to find the right opportunity to help them shift their perspective a little.
Children needs to know that whenever they lose or fail at something in life, it doesn’t mean they are doomed! It isn’t evidence that they are ‘rubbish’ or ‘failures’. But it is evidence that they are human and need to keep trying.
Tell yourself you’re not a victim of life, but you’re a student, continually growing and learning. Sometimes life’s failures and challenges provide us with the biggest opportunities for growth.
“STOP CALLING ME SHY!” I used to feel this way all the time as a child. I remember in Brownies back in the 1980’s (Girl Guides/ Girl Scouts if you’re not in the UK!) someone would be chosen to receive a trophy, which they’d take home for the week. They’d be picked for random reasons like ‘shiniest shoes’, or ‘best singing’.
There’s actually a lot of spin put on the word ‘perfectionist’. Most people see it as something to be proud of. I’m not suggesting that it’s wrong to take pride in what you do. This goes one step further than that, hear me out!
Parents, your little human still has such limited knowledge and experience of the world. They’re navigating so many challenging situations and there’s no other time that emotions are felt so strongly.
So how exactly can you make sure that you’re connecting enough with your children when they struggle with big emotions?
