Unlocking Emotional Wellness: The Healing Power Of Walking and Talking:

As an Anxiety, Life Coach and Mindset Coach in Cheltenham, I’ve ditched my office and my clients are now reaping the benefits of walking and talking in the beautiful Cotswolds countryside.

Here’s why I’ll never go back to a traditional office setting -

Walking, particularly in natural environments, has a profound impact on the brain and nervous system, helping people process emotions and thoughts more effectively.

As a coach and therapist, I’ve been using walk-and-talk sessions since 2020 with both children and adults, and I’ve witnessed the remarkable shifts this approach can create.

Whether it’s gaining new clarity, releasing difficult emotions, or simply feeling more at ease, walking in nature seems to unlock parts of the mind that are harder to access in a traditional office setting.

Here’s the simple science behind why walking in nature is so powerful:

1. It Activates the Parasympathetic Nervous System (The Body’s ‘Calm Down’ Switch)

The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is designed to activate when we are relaxing, resting, or feeling safe. It’s the body’s way of turning off the "fight or flight" response, which is our natural reaction to stress or danger.

When the PNS kicks in, it slows down the heart rate, lowers blood pressure, and allows the body to rest and digest.

Walking in nature supports this process, helping the mind and body shift into a relaxed state. This relaxed state makes it easier to gain perspective and process emotions in a non-reactive, more balanced way.

In my experience, this is much harder to achieve when sitting in an office. Walking creates a natural ease, a flow that allows thoughts and feelings to surface in a more organic and less pressured way.

2. The Rhythmic Movement Does Amazing Things for the Brain!

The repetitive, rhythmic movement of walking stimulates both sides of the brain, a process known as bilateral stimulation. This has been proven to enhance emotional processing by encouraging better communication between the two hemispheres of the brain.

Bilateral stimulation is a key component in therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Brainspotting, both of which are used to treat trauma and other emotional challenges

When walking, this bilateral stimulation naturally calms the nervous system, especially the “fight or flight” response.

This calming effect reduces the emotional intensity of difficult topics or memories, making it easier to talk about them in a coaching or therapy session.

I’ve found that clients are often able to discuss issues with far less resistance and anxiety when walking, compared to sitting face-to-face in an office.

3. It Boosts Brain Function and Neuroplasticity

Walking is not only good for your body but also for your brain. It promotes neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to adapt, grow, and form new connections.

Increased blood flow delivers oxygen and nutrients to the brain, which boosts the production of important proteins that support brain health and neuroplasticity. This leads to better cognitive function, improved mood regulation, and enhanced emotional processing.

In coaching sessions, this increased brain function helps clients think more clearly, work through their emotions faster, and feel more in control of their thoughts.

I’ve noticed that clients often experience breakthroughs during walking sessions that they struggle to achieve in traditional settings.

4.Walking Provides a Natural Happiness Boost

Physical activity, even gentle exercise like walking, stimulates the release of endorphins - our body's natural "feel-good" chemicals. My son used to call them “brain dolphins,” and he wasn’t far off!

Endorphins help elevate mood, reduce the perception of pain, and create a general sense of well-being. 

Walking outside, especially with natural daylight, adds another layer of benefit. Daylight exposure helps regulate your circadian rhythm, improving sleep and further enhancing mood.

It’s amazing how this natural happiness boost makes clients feel more capable of confronting difficult emotions and thoughts. This is something that’s harder to achieve when cooped up in an office.

5. Walking Promotes Greater Clarity of Thought

When we engage in non-strenuous, rhythmic activities like walking, the brain enters a reflective state.

This activates the Default Mode Network (DMN), which is involved in introspection, self-referential thinking, and processing emotions. It allows us to reflect on our experiences and emotions more easily.

This is why people often say they "think better" when walking. In a coaching or therapy session, this reflective state is highly conducive to gaining insights and perspective on one’s challenges. It encourages honest, open conversation to flow and fosters deep self-awareness.

6. The Sounds of Nature Help the Mind Drift and Relax

Nature’s sounds - whether it’s birds chirping, water flowing, or the rustling of leaves - have a calming effect on the brain.

These natural sounds draw the brain into a state where it can wander and drift without the need for intense focus. This relaxed mental state is perfect for emotional processing.

Research shows that exposure to natural environments reduces heart rate, muscle tension, and stress hormones, all of which help calm the nervous system.

In this calm state, the brain is better able to process difficult emotions, making walking in nature an ideal environment for coaching or therapy sessions.

Why I’ll never return to an office setting

As a Psychotherapist and Trauma-Informed Emotional Health and Mindset Coach, I made the switch to outdoor sessions during the pandemic, and I’ve never looked back.

I noticed that clients made faster progress, felt more at ease, and often left the session feeling significantly lighter and more positive.

I, too, would leave sessions feeling more uplifted and energized than I’d ever felt working back in my old office.

From my experience both the professional and the client can unlock their very best selves in ‘walk and talk’ sessions

For many of my clients, the act of walking in nature accesses their very best emotional and mental processing capabilities, and for me as a coach, it allows me to be even more attuned to their needs.

While walking and talking therapy may not be for everyone, I believe that for many, it is where true magic happens. It’s certainly how I plan to continue working.

It creates a space where clients can be more open, reflective, and responsive to the coaching process, allowing for deep emotional healing and transformation.

Highly Sensitive Child, Or Autism?

You’re most likely here because you can’t shake the feeling that there could be more going on for your highly sensitive child.

Perhaps you’re wondering if they actually ARE highly sensitive after all …Or could they be autistic?

I really do understand the confusion and I hope that this article offers you some clarity ❤️.

I’m Sarah Weaver, an Emotional Health Coach For Children and Families specialising in supporting those who are Highly Sensitive and/or Autistic.

The dilemma of Elaine Aron’s highly sensitive trait in light of recent research into autism

Keep reading to understand why there is significant potential for many autistic children to be missed as a result of chalking it all up to them being highly sensitive.

To date Elaine herself seems to have overlooked the significant overlap with autism and the dilemma this poses for people who very likely COULD have more going on than just the highly sensitive trait.

This means that for many children you are only getting a part of the picture and a key part of them will not be understood and accounted for.

Highly Sensitive Vs Autism

Autism is a hugely misunderstood area, ranging of course from severe and needing huge amounts of care, to those who are much more able to function despite their differences. The latter being what we’re talking about here.

Ultimately we’re referring to the wonderfully neurodiverse individuals of the world.

The Sensitivity spectrum

As unique and diverse human beings, we’re not all wired the same. A significant proportion of us are designed to be much more sensitive to the world, experiencing it very differently as a result.

We’re not just talking about ‘sensitive’ in the traditional sense of the word; we’re referring to biologically-based sensitivity and something that’s hugely beneficial to humankind.

Those high in biological sensitivity will inevitably experience a lot more stress on their nervous system as a result of various social, physical and emotional stimuli. Some can also have a more finely-tuned perceptual field that’s able to notice and pick up on more.

So there’s a whole spectrum of differences in how we all experience and process the world.

Orchid, tulip or dandelion?

In 2005, researchers in biological sensitivity introduced the flower metaphor to describe these differences.

Orchids being the sensitive ones who need more careful nurturing in order to do well. Dandelions, who are able to thrive more easily even in difficult circumstances. And then tulips, who are in the middle.

It beautifully reflects the differences in environmental sensitivity and when we’re talking about highly sensitive children and autistic children, these are the ‘orchids’ of the world.

As well as there being such a spectrum, there has also been a revolutionary trait identified and coined as the highly sensitive trait by Elaine Aron who discovered it.

The Highly Sensitive Trait

Coming across this trait has been a game-changer for so many people and impacts an estimated 20% of the population. Probably the most distinguishing aspect is that it also involves an intriguing ability of the brain to process the world at a much greater depth. 

The huge mental capacity that makes this a very exciting trait to have, creates the paradoxical situation whereby it becomes a child’s greatest potential gift, yet one of their greatest potential threats to their wellbeing too (think superpower AND kryptonite!).

It takes very careful nurturing to balance these competing aspects so that they’re able to shine despite the world being hugely biased against them.

Elaine Aron has taken us leaps forward in many ways, but distinguishing high sensitivity from autism has been a sorely neglected area

Elaine Aron identified the trait in the 1980s after much research, and really paved the way for much better understanding of the ‘orchids’ of the world, who up until that point were just being labelled as ‘shy’, ‘introverted’ or ‘inhibited’. 

Elaine has played a key part in evolving our understanding of an important area of individual difference, distinguishing it from labels that weren’t quite right. This has taken us leaps forward in our understanding and given so may misunderstood people a life-altering sense of validation and ‘belonging’.

But a huge spanner has been thrown in the works…

Now that the understanding of autism has more recently taken leaps forward too, it has really brought to light a huge overlap- and THIS is causing a lot of confusion. 

There is subsequently so much potential for people who could in fact now be assessed as autistic as well as highly sensitive, to miss the opportunity to understand themselves even more fully.

THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.

THE KEY CHARACTERISTICS:

To be classed as highly sensitive, ALL of the following criteria will fit them to some degree:

1. They experience and process the world much more deeply

   Your child will take in more, think more, notice more, remember more, question more…their brains are like super-computers!

2. They are prone to overstimulation

   As a result of their brain’s impressive depth and capacity, they will be prone to the overwhelm and intensity that comes with it.

   This might present as ‘meltdowns’, ‘shutdowns’, difficulty sleeping, sadness, anger or despair. How often this occurs depends largely on how well they are able to live in alignment with their unique needs.

3. They are Emotionally Intense

   Whilst this isn't always externally obvious, all highly sensitive children FEEL so much more deeply. Their emotions are experienced in a much more dialled-up way and they can’t turn this off.

4. They have a Sensitivity To The Subtleties

   Think of it like they have millions of antennas creating a greater bombardment on their senses. They notice and feel everything- and with such intensity.

   This can present itself in various different ways from extreme ‘fussiness’ (e.g with food, clothes, smell, noise, pain etc) to being the one who notices EVERYTHING.

….Whilst no 2 children will be the same, if these ring true for your child to some degree, you’ve done the quiz, read the books and it all resonates, then it will be safe to conclude that this trait is a good fit for them.

Please note that if you have any questions you are very welcome to reach out.

Couldn’t it ACTUALLY be Autism?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you’re probably thinking that it has to be EITHER the highly sensitive trait OR autism… But there’s a reasonable possibility that it’s BOTH.

A child can absolutely be highly sensitive AND autistic

AND IT’S REALLY EASY TO MISS.

If the highly sensitive trait does ‘fit’ your child, but you don’t feel like it fully explains them, then this would definitely warrant you exploring autism.

Likewise, if on reflection the highly sensitive trait doesn’t seem to adequately fit, then autism may be the more accurate explanation and a logical avenue to explore.

Why is it so easy to overlook autism?

Many autistic individuals are so incredibly adept at masking that it’s very difficult to see their inner challenges and differences. It can be incredibly subtle from an observer's standpoint.

But they have differences nonetheless… in social preferences, sensory needs, preferred ways of learning and communicating and how they perceive the world.

Oftentimes the child who is an expert masker has simply adapted to a world that’s just not designed for them. And these difference may be totally hidden.

Like fish out of water, they end up living totally out of alignment of their natural preferences and needs in order to feel accepted.

It’s no wonder they’re struggling!

It becomes easy to see how such a significant aspect of your child may have been overlooked. As well as why it’s so darn confusing when all you’ve been reading about is the highly sensitive trait.

Though understanding of autism is greatly expanding, many individuals are still missed because of hugely outdated information that still abounds.

The trouble is that there are so many individuals that do not fit these often stereotyped descriptions. It’s so easy to do one of the many outdated quizzes online, or read about the ‘classical’ presentation of autism, to then confidently declare;

“This doesn’t fit them AT ALL!”.

Many are falling into the cracks because the updated research and insights into the less common presentations of autism have not yet filtered through into mainstream understanding.

Shockingly this includes many healthcare professionals, psychologists and educators-even many autism assessors themselves. Unfortunately that’s the reality of change (it ‘plods’).

And when you’ve already identified with the informative and evidence-based trait of high sensitivity, it can prevent you from delving any deeper.

So the highly sensitive trait poses a real dilemma!

The overlaps

Many things overlap between the highly sensitive trait and autism. Afterall they’re both in essence forms of biologically based sensitivity, meaning that overwhelm, sensory overload, overstimulation will inevitably occur for each.

And due to the inevitable nervous system impact, both can feature the following factors to some degree:

• Sensory issues

• ‘Meltdowns’ or ‘shutdowns’

• A dislike of change

• Inflexibility in certain areas

• Preference for routines

• Social challenges

• ‘Black and white’ thinking

• The need to control situations

…These are understandable responses to a world that just isn’t designed for them. 

So it really isn’t surprising that it feels so hard to untangle! 

Plus, the degree to which these issues arise is also down to their environment and the responses of those involved in raising and educating them, rather than just the ‘label’ itself.

Trauma is also a compounding variable and has a significant impact on nervous system sensitivity and how the world is ‘processed’. So nothing is clear-cut here!

Couldn’t they both just be the same thing?

That’s such a good question, one that many people ask me and I’ve pondered on myself.

Given that some autistic individuals are so good at masking, it’s no surprise that there’s so much confusion and no quick answer. Plus we’re still in the relatively early days of unravelling autism

However there are some red flags to look out for, that do distinguish it from the highly sensitive trait. These are largely backed up by some of the most up to date research.

Please note that whilst these are common indicators of autism, these can still be subtle or even hidden.

Keep an open mind as to what may lay beneath the surface of your child’s behaviour and responses. But equally, don’t jump straight to conclusions either.

Some Red Flags For Autism

These are intended as a suggested factors that are more specific to autism (ESPECIALLY in those who are easy to miss) and an illustration as to how it may differ from the highly sensitive trait.

*Links for research/further reading are included below at the end of this article.

• Social difficulties that may only start appearing a few years into school and closer to middle school/secondary school

• Social challenges that are with peers the same age, whilst they seem to interact a lot better with adults, or with children who are a couple of years older or younger.

• For girls: a preference for playing with boys

• Discomfort making eye contact (but awareness of expectations means they ‘force’ themselves to)

• Having a particularly intense area of interest. This can be a perfectly typical interest, but the red flag is when it’s abnormal in the intensity. 

• Particular difficulty understanding and talking about how they are feeling 

• Awkwardness starting and ending conversations and/or difficulty with the back-and-fourth flow

• Unusual communication style that at times may seem too direct/blunt

• Difficulty understanding other people’s intentions

• Difficulty understanding unspoken social ‘rules’ or personal space

• Particularly strong reactions to small changes in routine that can totally derail them (e.g their usual teacher not being in)

• Particularly intense and out-of-proportion reactions to transitions, e.g. coming away from a video game, ending an activity, leaving the house

• Rigid thinking that can result in huge upsets and conflict.

Some of these factors may of course be present without them being autistic. Or they may just be so well hidden that it’s hard to judge.

But if any of it resonates, or you have a strong gut feeling that there’s more going on, then it would certainly warrant further exploration.

Do we even need labels anyway?

You might be wondering if you necessarily need to seek diagnosis at this point?

It’s beyond the scope of this article to unravel all the pros and cons, but for now my suggestion is to streamline your efforts and attention onto what they need of YOU.

It might be pretty clear that they have big emotions, heightened sensitivity and certain aspects of life can be very bothersome. So knowing how to best support all of this FIRST, is arguably way more of a priority than focussing on a label.

Let’s face it, the world simply isn’t designed for the ‘orchids’. They’re essentially square pegs being expected to fit into round holes.

The degree to which these children end up anxious, angry, unhappy, struggling, lacking in confidence etc is not due to the ‘label’ itself, but largely due to how well they are able to live in alignment with their unique needs. As well as how they are perceiving themselves.

If however you have huge concerns and a quick diagnosis could mean that your child will receive the support they need (e.g at school), then seeking an assessment would totally make sense.

Whatever you decide, I have a wonderful FREE course that can help.

Because regardless of the label, kids need understanding , acceptance and a safe space to land as their authentic selves. Especially given how biased this world can be against them (the irony is that the world needs THESE minds right now!)

What you’ll love about this FREE course:

• It has been designed ESPECIALLY for parents of highly sensitive and neurodiverse children

• It aims to give you THE BEST foundations and starting point for whatever you are facing

• There are various follow-on options available for further support if you want it

• It’s ideal for sharing with family members (especially those who might currently not ‘get’ your child!)

• It’s inside a cosy little app, so will only ever be one click away!

INQUIRE ABOUT SUPPORT

I’m Sarah Weaver, Psychotherapist and Emotional Health Coach for families, specialising in high sensitivity and neurodiversity.

My passion and ‘genius-zone’ is in helping these wonderfully unique and valuable young people to FLOURISH and SHINE.

Inquire about support via the contact form below.

*PLEASE check your spam folder* as sometimes my replies can end up there. If you’re happy to leave your phone number you will receive a text notification to let you know I’ve replied.

*For the latest research into autism, especially in children who ‘mask’, I’d thoroughly recommend the book “Is This Autism?” by Donna Henderson, Sarah Wayland and Jamell White.

To me this book is (by a country mile!) THE BEST, providing the most relevant and up to date information out there.

Highly Sensitive Child And Sleep

Highly Sensitive Child And Sleep:

5 Common Causes of Poor Sleep And What You Can Do About It ❤️

For highly sensitive children, sleep struggles often stem from a nervous system that is easily over-aroused.

By understanding the connection between their high sensitivity and their sleep challenges, you can take steps to help them find the rest they need.

Here are five common causes of poor sleep in highly sensitive children, along with actionable steps you can take to ease their difficulties.

 1) THEIR BRAIN IS STUCK IN ‘READY TO REACT’ MODE

Highly sensitive children’s brains work overtime, making it difficult for them to settle down.

At bedtime, their brains are like supercomputers with too many tabs open, unable to shift into ‘rest mode.’

This overstimulation can manifest as agitation, anxiety, irritability, or even hyperactivity, all of which disrupt sleep.

What you can do:

There’s no quick fix once your child is overstimulated, but there are preventative steps you can take:

- Create a calming bedtime routine:

Extend the wind-down period before bed with relaxing, low-stimulation activities.

- Manage the household mood:

Stress and tension in the home can really keep your child in ‘high alert’ mode.

The overall mood of everyone in the household may be the biggest contributing factor. Consider seeking help if this relates and feels hard to shift alone.

- Dim the lights early:

Low lighting about two hours before bedtime can be a game-changer as it helps signal the body to prepare for sleep.

- Don’t let screens sabotage their melatonin production:

Most devices use blue light, which is a wavelength that has been proven to inhibit the chemical that’s responsible for sleepiness.

Avoid screens for at least 2 hours before bedtime so you’re not disrupting your child’s natural sleep-wake cycle.

- Allow them to share their thoughts:

Give your child space to offload any worries or experiences from the day.

This helps to clear their mental passages, making it easier for them to drift off.

-Encourage more downtime for creativity and calmness:

Ensuring your child has enough downtime during the day is one of the best ways to prevent overstimulation.

Think of it as recharging their internal battery - time away from sensory input like noise, people and brightness helps them replenish their energy.

- Promote ‘flow’ activities:

Encourage drawing, writing, or other quiet activities in the evening like puzzles or building with Lego.

These tasks help recharge their emotional and mental reserves, resulting in a mind that’s ready to rest, rather than one that’s on high alert.

- Avoid overscheduling:

Well-meaning parents may overbook activities, but for highly sensitive children, this can do more harm than good.

An overstimulated child is not one that will fall asleep easily.

Sleep deprivation is exhausting for both you and your child, but it doesn’t have to stay this way.

Book a free consultation with me today and let’s work together to create a calm and restful bedtime routine for your child.

2) UNMET SENSORY NEEDS

Highly Sensitive children may experience intense sensory challenges, and bedtime can trigger their nervous systems into hyper-arousal.

Night-time can be a minefield of triggers, including noise, light, heat, cold, the texture of bedding or even the smell of the laundry softner.

They’re not being fussy - these sensations are legitimately bothersome for them.

What you can do:

- Explore sensory triggers and solutions:  

Work with your child to identify what triggers discomfort and what soothes them.

Collaborate in creating a routine and sleeping environment that will be more calming on their nervous system.

-Try sensory aids:  

It can make the world of difference to identify a product that really calms their more delicate nervous system at the end of the day.

Some popular aids to try include white noise machines, weighted blankets, soft bedding, cooler mattresses, blackout blinds, ear plugs for kids, cuddly hot water bottles or even sensory swings for those that need repetitive movement to unwind.

You’re not alone in facing these challenges, and with over 20 years experience, I’m here to help.

Let’s chat about how my coaching can guide your highly sensitive child toward better sleep - and a happier life.

3) AN IMAGINATION THAT WON’T QUIT!

A vivid imagination is a gift, but at night, it can lead to fears and anxieties.

Many highly sensitive children struggle with night-time fears, such as intruders, supernatural beings, urban myths or even deep thoughts about death.

These themes can really keep them from falling asleep.

What you can do:

- Empower them to take control of their imagination:  

Help your child understand that their powerful imagination is behind their fears. This realisation gives them control over the situation and helps them eventually manage or eliminate these thoughts.

- Confront fears before bed:  

Encourage your child to draw or write about their fears, then destroy the paper as a symbolic way of saying, "I have control over this fear." This act helps them release the fear and relax before bed.

They need to see that THEY are the ones creating these images and thoughts. This means that, in time, they can absolutely be the ones to take control of and put a stop to them (please note that sometimes this might require some outside help.)

4) YOUR REACTIONS ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM

Bedtime can be the most challenging time of day for parents.

Throw in a child with a highly sensitive temperament, on top of your own sleep-deprivation, and it would test the patience of any saint!

However, your reactions can either help calm your child’s nervous system or exacerbate their struggle.

Whether they’re overly reliant on you to help settle them, won’t sleep alone or wake frequently, your reactions have a huge impact on their willingness and confidence to tackle the issue.

You have the power to either make your child feel unacceptable, powerless and insecure

…Or understood, powerful and supported.

What you can do:

- Watch YOUR reactions

This warrants an entire blog of its own, but as a starting point bring in lots of conscious awareness to how you are responding to them.

Ask yourself two key questions:

- ”Am I helping them to feel safer in their nervous system?”…

- ”Am I empowering them to overcome this?”

Finding the balance between being supportive without being overly passive or dismissive is crucial.

Acknowledge how your feelings can affect them - highly sensitive children are attuned to their parents' emotions, which can also massively impact their sleep.

- Cultivate curiosity:  

Get curious about what’s keeping their mind active and their nervous system in over-arousal.

Understanding the root of this helps ease your frustration and can help you better guide them to relaxation.

Remember how hyper-perceptive they are to how YOU feel, which in turn brings potential to over-arouse them further.

Imagine peaceful and joyful evenings for your family and the bliss of knowing that your evening and nights are YOUR OWN again.

You shouldn’t have to battle any more with this, get started today by booking your FREE consultation - reserved for parents who are serious about transforming their child’s sleep.

5. MIND MONKEYS ARE KEEPING THEM AWAKE!

Highly Sensitive children often have strong emotional responses, making them more prone to negative self-talk or overthinking.

They may dwell on the events of the day, perceived injustices, or fears about upcoming situations. This ‘mind chatter’ can keep their brain over-aroused at bedtime.

What you can do:

- Help them process and switch off:  

Encourage your child to talk, journal, or express their thoughts through art. This creative outlet can help them process their emotions and settle their mind before bed.

For younger children you can encourage role-play using toys to act things out.

- Teach them to turn off their thoughts:  

Once they’ve worked through their thoughts, guide them to an ‘off switch.’ Offer calming alternatives, like listening to an audiobook or a guided meditation for kids.

Teaching them to consciously shift their focus can be a powerful tool in managing bedtime worries.

- Paediatric Hypnosis for Sleep

If your child continues to struggle with sleep despite your efforts, pediatric hypnosis may be a helpful option. Hypnotherapy can provide relaxation techniques and mental strategies to address anxieties and sleep issues.

- Invest in Coaching or Therapy

If your child’s anxieties or negative thought patterns persist, it might be time to seek professional help. With the right support, your child can overcome their fears, build a positive mindset, and improve their self-esteem.

For even more support, consider enrolling in my FREE parenting course

- Designed to help you better understand and nurture your highly sensitive child, this course covers essential techniques for improving your reactions and creating a calm, supportive environment.

- Together, we can help your child thrive both emotionally and mentally, creating lasting change in your household.

Looking For Support?

Sleep struggles are tough, and it’s often too much to handle on your own. Many parents come to me feeling exhausted and at their wit’s end.

With the right guidance, you can reclaim your evenings, help your child get the rest they need, and create a happier, healthier household.

I can help you reclaim those evenings and lost hours of sleep!

“We came to Sarah to overcome our highly sensitive daughter’s sleep issues and anxiety falling asleep alone.

Sarah grasped the issue straight away and the journey we have been through with her has been amazing. Our daughter is finally sleeping on her own and even managed a school trip to France!

We no longer have to spend our evenings laying with her and there’s been a huge improvement in our daughter’s confidence.”

— A & H & Daughter, Liv

Want to find out how I could help you?

Drop me a line…

*PLEASE check your spam folder* as sometimes my replies can end up there. If you’re happy to leave your phone number you will receive a text notification.

“I felt like I’d struck gold when I found Sarah! She understood, where most others have never even heard of high sensitivity.

What surprised me the most was learning that my son was not trying to manipulate me. This was invaluable information and we now have a calmer household with better routines and transitions - benefitting us all!”

— Elaine, Cheltenham

How To Calm A Highly Sensitive & Highly Strung Child

YES a highly sensitive child's wobbles and melt-downs can feel totally frustrating at times! Especially if you’re tired and running low on patience.

The eruptions and upsets of a more highly strung child can be inconvenient too if you’re trying to get out of the house- and no doubt you’ve felt like all eyes are on you when it happens in public- eeek!

I’ve been there…

But there’s a game-changing explanation for all of the eggshell walking…

…AND a solution to all of the emotional eruptions, shutdowns, poor behaviour and anxiety.

Access my bite-sized Free Course for comprehensive and speedy insights: I think this will explain a few things for you!

So much is at stake if they grow up feeling judged, dismissed, misunderstood or unacceptable in these moments.⠀⠀

Have you heard of the Highly Sensitive Trait?

It’s a biologically-based trait discovered in the 1990’s and fully backed up by science. It could explain a lot for you. You can learn more here.

Highly sensitive children feel everything so much more intensely and YES they can appear irrational and over the top, but there's ALWAYS more to their reaction than meets the eye.⠀⠀

Do you need to make some changes? ⠀

Maybe you’ve always referred to them as a ‘highly strung’ child, but this trait of High Sensitivity just hasn't been on your radar before? Or it feels overwhelming and hard to get your head around?⠀

You’re absolutely not alone.

The good news is that when you better understand your child's intense emotions and how to best meet their unique needs, you can transform the BIG eruptions into minor wobbles that are moved on from QUICKLY. ⠀⠀

The even better news is that I have a free parenting course that will get you firmly off the starting blocks to a calmer and happier family life!

And it’s inside a cosy little app called Family Harmony, making the process of change just a click away for you- AND no Wi-Fi or data is required!

Will you join me inside?…

To give you a taster- here are my top parenting strategies for how to calm your highly sensitive child down FAST in those most challenging moments you face:

• Take a Child’s-Eye-View

In these difficult moments be sure to *pause* then ask yourself:

“What might be going on in their head right now?”

…Take a moment to feel curious about why the situation is such a big deal for them.

Seeing things from your child’s point of view is such an important tool as it helps your them to feel more connected to you.

• Shift Yourself

The minute we urge ourselves to get curious (not furious!), we can then shift how we’re feeling into a warmer and more connected place.

It’s amazing how much more patient and creative we’re then able to be, which sets us up to be in a much better mind space for helping them.

• Help Them To Feel Seen and Heard

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of judging, shaming, criticizing or getting irritated with a highly sensitive or highly strung child. We’ve all done it. But more often than not, all a child needs to calm down, is simply to be heard.⠀⠀

With no drama or judgement on your part.⠀⠀

Try it...⠀⠀

Resist the urge to shower them with reasons why they shouldn't feel the way they do, or reasons to cheer up…

Put aside any worries or judgements that automatically take up space in your mind in these moments and just BE with your child.

• Let them know that you see and hear their emotional struggle

Sometimes saying something brief like "I'm really sorry that is making you feel bad sweetheart", IS ENOUGH. ⠀⠀

It's amazing how quickly the initial trigger stops being a big deal once they have their emotion validated and they feel connected in that moment, rather than judged for their intense feelings.⠀⠀

• Remember that for them it’s real and it’s tough

Even if you have no idea what’s going on in their head at times, just take a moment to show that you're witnessing their struggle. Because often, that's enough.

Emotions are never felt as strongly as when you’re young, especially a highly sensitive/ highly strung child. Connect with them…

They need you to share your calm and concern. They don't need you to join their chaos. 

Don't underestimate the impact of you having a quiet acceptance of their emotion (however irrational or OTT it may seem). This is by far the best way to calm a highly sensitive child.⠀⠀

Any other response is at risk of amplifying the emotion; think of it like adding fuel to their emotional flames...and WHOOSH... full eruption ensues.⠀⠀

I invite you to download my free app and course today if you'd like to learn exactly HOW you can turn this all around (and a lot faster than you'd expect!).⠀⠀

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah xx

Highly sensitive child and friendships

I’m here to tell you why authenticity matters more right now for your HSC than a group of ‘besties’ (and why the best is yet to come)…

I love this quote and I say it to my boys often. You might remember hearing this quote in The Greatest Showman? What an awesome film for teaching kids the importance of chasing dreams and accepting people for who they are!

It’s so easy to seek comfort in the status quo, or to feel compelled to be like others. But in an ever-changing world we need independent minds more than ever. We need to bring our children up to feel SAFE to be different and to think outside the box. Also to feel motivated to follow THEIR dreams and create a life that’s authentic to THEM. 

Do you ever wonder about how to help your highly sensitive child to make friends, or worry about them not fitting in socially?

Perhaps you feel sad that they don’t yet have a bestie?

Please know that you’re not alone, but not YET having a ‘bestie’ or close knit group of pals, can actually be perfectly healthy if you handle it correctly.

My highly sensitive child didn’t really find his ‘tribe’ until he moved up to Secondary School (aged 11/12). Until then he kind of felt on the outskirts. ..

He was never interested in playing football like most of the other boys and he found he had different interests to most. But whilst this sometimes made him sad, I made sure he never felt under pressure to ‘fit in’…

And here’s the thing…he came out the other side all the more resilient for it.

He was actually very comfortable with being side-lined slightly when he was younger and this was largely due to him feeling happy in his own skin.

With a strong sense of acceptance and belonging within the family unit, he was as secure as he could be. So he didn’t need to seek ‘acceptance’ or belonging elsewhere.

Once he moved up to secondary school he had a wider variety of pupils to mix with and over the first year he finally found his ‘tribe’.

He has never once compromised his authenticity on the quest for close friendships and it’s paying him dividends now in how happy, secure and at ease he feels.

His ability to be ‘ok’ with being side-lined at times is EXACTLY what ensured he found solid, happy and lasting friendships in the end.

It’s understandable to worry if your child hasn’t yet got a close-knit group of ‘besties’. It’s easy to feel that they’re somehow missing out. But the truth is that the best is yet to come for them. The best gift you can give them, is the confidence to be THEMSELVES right now. This will set them up for a lifetime of authenticity.

If your child is still in primary (or the equivalent for your country) please know that once they’re older, they'll have a new and larger population to mix with. They’ll find their tribe eventually, but for now though they’re experiencing the world as it really is…

We don’t always get to choose the people we’re surrounded by. There will always be groups or teams that we become part of, but with whom we don’t quite connect. That’s ok. That's life.

It’s far better for them to take their time to find the right people, than to rush into the wrong friendships just so that they can ‘fit in’. This does not lead to long term happiness, only short-term (and inauthentic) security.

If your child is older and struggling, then there’s still a huge amount of hope too and please know that it can be turned around.

I wish I’d been able to achieve the same, but sadly as a child with very wobbly emotional foundations I lost parts of who I was in an attempt to ‘fit in’ with people who were just never aligned to me in the first place.

As long as your highly sensitive child is true to who they really are, what they stand for and what they love, they’ll be able to live a life of true belonging, authenticity and connection. It doesn't matter if they don't have the perfect social circle right now, or haven't found their BFF yet. The best IS yet to come if you nurture them to believe it.

Need some support to help your highly sensitive to child make friends, whilst feeling confident and happy as their authentic selves?

I know that it isn’t always so straightforward for many families. Some highly sensitive children can find themselves feeling really lonely and struggling and this breaks my heart.

To see them struggle like this and to just desperately want to help your highly sensitive child to make good friends is so hard for you as a parent. I’m sending heaps of love to those of you who feel really stuck and helpless right now.

But please know that it absolutely DOES NOT have to stay this way.

Reach out today to inquire about my one-to-one support packages for your highly sensitive child.

I will be your child’s biggest cheerleader! (And they will feel comforted to know that I’m highly sensitive too, so I really do get it).

“Seeing the relationship between our daughter and Sarah has been one of my favourite aspects of the service; our daughter has massively grown in confidence and self-esteem” - Jo, Gloucestershire.

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah❤️

How to explain being a HSP to others so they can better understand and support your child

Very commonly when a parent comes to me for help, they are battling to explain being HSP to a partner or other family member who is either struggling to believe that it is a ‘real thing’ OR is struggling to come to terms with their child being ‘different’.

So if this is you, feel free to share this post with them. I also have a free course designed to warm up and inspire even the most reluctant of parents to the idea of change!

Or if you are ‘this’ partner and this page has been shared with you, then I’m extremely happy that you’ve popped over to my little corner of the internet. You are most welcome here- and always with zero judgment.

Here’s what your family needs you to know about being a HSP:

• High Sensitivity is a REAL and BIOLOGICALLY-BASED trait, with solid science behind it

• It exists in 1 in 5 people

• It's as real as say colour blindness or left handedness, yet it's not quite so easily accepted.

• It is a vastly overlooked and under-recognised aspect of individual difference and this has the potential to be hugely problematic for your child.

• It comes with many gifts so there’s a hugely positive flip-side.

Many myths and misconceptions abound too, so I’d say that the most important thing to note is that we’re not talking about sensitivity in the traditional sense of the word.

We’re talking about hard-wired, in-born nervous system sensitivity.

Since 4 in 5 of humans do not fall into this category, the world simply does not (yet) give it the attention it needs. And children like yours are being misunderstood and undervalued time and time again.

I can’t blame you if you sometimes feel uncomfortable with the idea that your child is in some way different from the majority, or if you find the term ‘highly sensitive’ a bit jarring. By the way, if you want to use a more scientific -sounding term, it is also known as ‘Sensory Processing Sensitivity'. In fact I prefer this as it elicits fewer misconceptions.

I have first hand experience of how challenging it is to parent these children, so if you find their seemingly over-the-top reactions, behaviour or ‘fussiness’ triggering at times, then please know that I get it and you’re absolutely not alone.

BUT I promise you that if you’re constantly wondering “why does my child over react so much?”, it’s all explainable.

It all has a legitimate cause.

Being highly sensitive essentially means to have a nervous system that's very easily over-aroused and a brain that is wired in a way that makes them experience the world very differently.

THIS CANNOT be switched off.

NOR can this be ‘trained out of them’ (in fact this will be a sure-fire route to future mental health struggles).

Being highly sensitive encompasses 4 key characteristics:

1- Your child processes the world more deeply-noticing more, thinking more, remembering more

2- Your child feels all of their emotions intensely- for some this is outwardly obvious, but for others it’s masked and suppressed

3- Your child has heightened perceptivity- this can be with sensory factors, bodily sensations or amazing observational skills noticing what others tend to miss (they're super tuned-in to even slight unfairness and hypocrisy in your parenting!).

4-Your child has an inevitable vulnerability to overstimulation (because their brains are so much busier with all of the above)

If you currently do not have this insight and understanding firmly in your conscious awareness, then your resultant ‘blind spot’ will be the biggest thing that gets in the way of them growing up to be thriving, confident and resilient individuals.

The trouble is that right now your child is probably not too high on emotional security or self-worth. They KNOW they don’t always react to life like others and THEY KNOW that they are sometimes seen as unacceptable.

This doesn’t pass them by, and is ironically feeding hugely into the challenges you face with them.

You need to get your head around how to help your highly sensitive child, before it’s too late.

We can all have blind spots in life- but more times than not with parents who are struggling with their emotionally intense children this is down to:

High sensitivity not being on their radar AT ALL…(through no fault of their own).

…and/or:

How THEY were parented (we simply can’t give what we weren’t given ourselves-plus ,we often unconsciously parent with similar responses to those we received).

...Food for thought perhaps?

Maybe high sensitivity just hasn't been in your conscious awareness. Either way, this will make you far more likely to be led by annoyance, or even fear when you face those challenging moments (which makes everything WORSE).

But let’s not get too deep here…What you most need to know is that your child can absolutely overcome their struggles; whether this is meltdowns, outbursts, anger, anxiety, lack of confidence and so on.

BUT- this can’t happen without YOU.

There’s so much more to tell you…

High sensitivity is not a weakness; in fact once your child builds emotional security, then their capabilities are actually immense and their outbursts and struggles will become distant memory!

There is much to be excited about with this trait.

AND it doesn't have to be as daunting or overwhelming as it may feel. Nor does it have to be the big deal that you might fear.

If you don't invest enough time into understanding this trait, it can be hard to help your highly sensitive child in the way that they need.

You will essentially be parenting with the biggest blindspot obscuring your view of them.

And your child will struggle.

...Your family will not be able to move past the upset, eggshell walking and emotional eruptions.

If you want to learn how best to help your highly sensitive child I would highly recommend this free parenting course as the most solid starting point.

YES your child comes with some challenges, but with the right understanding and actions, you can turn this all on its head. I promise! (for reassurance that this is possible please see what other parents are saying here).

In fact I help parents to turn their challenging situation on its head in a relatively short space of time. This is my absolute area of expertise.

The good news is that I have a free parenting course that was created to help parents like you to get your head around all of this (and it has been specifically designed in a bite-sized audio format). Sign up FOR FREE here (this is best done on your mobile phone).

For a more in depth exploration of your blind spots and struggles you can contact me here.

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah Weaver xx

You can't judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree!

With their brains functioning in a fundamentally different way to the majority, highly sensitive children can so often feel like fish out of water.

…And in case you didn’t know, high sensitivity is a very real biologically-based trait seen in 1 in 5 people.

The world is simply not designed for those who experience and navigate the world differently to the majority.

We cannot expect such children to breeze calmly through a world that's simply not designed for them.

Nor can we expect them to be 'tree-climbing fish!'. They FEEL differently, EXPERIENCE life differently and have inbuilt needs to RESPOND to the world differently.

These children have immensely valuable qualities and gifts to share with the world. Yet these are too often stunted and they risk growing up feeling that a part of them is unacceptable.

Being highly sensitive or neurodiverse is certainly not an excuse for poor behaviour, BUT with a better understanding, these individuals can actually become masters of their big emotions.

When we stop expecting them to climb and we instead nurture their ability to swim, then we are enabling them to live a life of authenticity.

When this is achieved in your parenting, all of their amazing gifts will come into full play and they will truly🌟SHINE🌟.

This is the key to their happiness (and your family's harmony!).

A fish needs to be seen as a fish in order to develop a true sense of belonging in the world.

An estimated 1 in 5 children are highly sensitive and 1 in 7 are neurodivergent. It’s my mission to ensure that these children are able to swim their way through life feeling empowered and resilient.

This starts with YOU as their parent.

The great news is that I now have a FREE parenting course that teaches you HOW to get it right. You’ve stumbled this way for a reason and I invite you to find out more HERE.

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah xx

(Disclosure- Yes I stole this from part of a quote that Einstein *allegedly* said. I hope you enjoy the analogy as much as I do!😀)

Being highly sensitive essentially means to have a nervous system that's very easily over-aroused and a brain that is wired in a way that makes them experience the world very differently.

THIS CANNOT be switched off.

⭐️You're very welcome to get in touch if you're curious about whether your child may have High Sensitivity-and/or you may be questioning neurodiversity too. I quite possibly have the answers you’ve be searching for!⭐

What causes a highly sensitive child?

It’s incredibly confusing and overwhelming to have a child who seems to react to the world differently to the norm. It leaves you wondering:

Is it my fault?

Have I done anything to cause this?

Is there a way to fix it?

What’s gone wrong for them?

I'd like you to know that nothing has gone wrong-and it’s most certainly not your fault that they seem to have such an intense experience of life.

They simply have a much more delicate nervous system and THIS is what causes a highly sensitive child. It’s a biologically-based trait that exists in 1 in 5 people (and is as real as say colour-blindness, with solid science behind it).

But since this is an often neglected and hugely overlooked aspect of individual difference, many parents are left thinking there’s something inherently wrong…

There absolutely isn’t.

Of course, that isn’t to say that the struggles you may be facing are OK, but I’m here to let you know that the current understanding of them is probably a big part of the issue.

The term ‘highly sensitive’ can elicit so many misconceptions…

So on behalf of my highly sensitive child and all others out there who are in the 1 in 5 club, I’d love to bust some key myths:

1) High Sensitivity is NOT about being easily offended or overly sensitive to criticism. This is a poor interpretation.

It is a biologically-based trait and we're not talking about someone who is 'sensitive' in the traditional sense of the word.

It encompasses factors such as:

• Deeper processing of the world and heightened perceptivity

• Feeling emotions intensely,

• Dialled-up sensory experiences

• And vulnerability to overstimulation, because their brains are simply noticing and taking note of EVERYTHING.

2) To Have High Sensitivity DOES NOT just mean you cry a lot or can't control your emotions.

Having this trait simply cannot be boiled down to being overly tearful or emotional. It has a legitimate cause and goes much deeper than this.

3) A child with this trait does not have to GET OVER their sensitivity. It is not something that needs to be 'trained out of them'.

In fact treating it as such is the fastest way to make any struggles they're having much WORSE.

There are significant consequences of ignoring it, or teaching your child to mask or supress this core part of who they are.

You need to be their biggest advocate.

If anyone ever asks you what causes a highly sensitive child, you can now reply with confidence that:

Your child simply has a wonderfully unique genetic variation.

And it’s caused by that beautiful spice of life- diversity and individual difference.

High sensitivity is inborn- it’s who your child was designed to be. It comes with huge gifts too and the great news is that (whilst not quite fast enough) the world IS starting to realise how valuable these minds are!

Wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same?

Hands up if you have identified this trait in yourself? ✋

It's something I have learnt to absolutely value and honor about myself. My child is following in my footsteps when it comes to being Highly Sensitive and is FLOURISHING.

The great news is that I have a free parenting course that has been created especially for raising children like yours. If you’d like to know exactly HOW to get it right for them then I invite you to find out more HERE.

High sensitivity comes with so many gifts and there are many reasons to get excited if you think you or your child might be in the club.

Please pass this information on to anyone who might benefit from hearing it.

As always don't hesitate to reach out if you want to find out more.

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah xx

Why is my child so emotionally sensitive?

Did you know that many of the world's greatest inventors, artists, writers and scientists did/do indeed have huge emotional sensitivity? And that they wouldn’t have produced such extraordinary pieces of work if it wasn’t for their deeper experience of the world…

So if you’re currently worried about why your child is so emotionally sensitive, I’m here to let you know that approximately 1 in 5 people are and that with the right nurturing, it can be an absolute blessing to the world.

I get it though, the emotional sensitivity can be overwhelming and you often find yourself walking on eggshells waiting for the next meltdown or eruption.

You might wonder how they’ll ever cope with life, or maybe whether they’ll grow up to be a problem…

But you need to know that this doesn’t ever have to be a reality.

High sensitivity is a wonderfully unique genetic variation found in approximately 1 in 5 people.

Here is a quick run-down of some of the gifts and blessings for children like yours:

• They are capable of impressive levels of CREATIVITY

• They are naturally CONSCIENTIOUS; success means a lot to them.

• They are wired for EMPATHY and (with the right nurturing) very high levels of emotional intelligence.

• They make amazing LEADERS when they're able to step into their authentic selves.

• They are natural INNOVATORS with incredible capacity to join the dots in life.

• Their brains are highly PERCEPTIVE, often noticing things that others don't.

  🙌Let's celebrate and embrace High Sensitivity🙌

Here’s why you need to be excited about this trait:

- Your child processes the world more deeply-noticing more, thinking more, remembering more, caring more…the world needs these minds!

- Your child has heightened perceptivity and amazing observational skills. They notice what others tend to miss and are capable of joining the dots in life in impressive ways no one else can!

- They have so many gifts, as you’ve learnt above. If they’ve not yet shown themselves, they soon will!

Here’s what you most need to keep in mind:

- Your child feels all of their emotions intensely; for some this is outwardly obvious, but for others it’s masked and suppressed. And they can’t switch this off.

- Your child’s heightened perceptivity can be with sensory factors and bodily sensations too. They're also super tuned-in to even slight unfairness and hypocrisy in your parenting (yikes!).

- With all of this extra work going on in their mind, your child has an inevitable vulnerability to overstimulation. This can cause a lot of emotional upset without the right supports in place.

- They need a very careful parenting approach in order for their gifts to shine through and to ensure they gain better control of their BIG feelings.

It is absolutely something to be excited about, but there are a few challenges to get your head around.

The great news is that I now have a free parenting course created ESPECIALLY for parents of emotionally sensitive children.

With no strings attached and accessible from its very own app, all that’s required is your email address, mobile phone and a strong desire to learn how to get things right for your child.

These kids are at such a greater risk of going on to experience mental health struggles if they fail to grow up feeling accepted and understood.

Recognising the trait as a unique quality, rather than a weakness or disadvantage will bring about a wonderful acceptance and compassion which is vital in helping them to SHINE.

By acting know you can learn HOW to nurture this awesome trait in the right way, so that you can:

👉Bid farewell to the upset, eggshell-walking and emotional eruptions

👉Bring harmony to the family

👉Turn them into masters of their emotions

👉AND ensure that the many blessing of the trait come into play

My FREE parenting course that has been created especially for those raising highly sensitive children. I can’t wait to have you on board (and it’s in a cosy little app too-come see what all the other parents are saying!).

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah xx

Stop Calling Me Shy!

Why we need to support our more introverted children.

“STOP CALLING ME SHY!” I used to feel this way all the time as a child. I remember in Brownies back in the 1980’s (Girl Guides/ Girl Scouts if you’re not in the UK!) someone would be chosen to receive a trophy, which they’d take home for the week. They’d be picked for random reasons like ‘shiniest shoes’, or ‘best singing’.

Anyway, one week I was picked to have the trophy for ‘being the shyest’! I wanted the ground to swallow me up when I was put in the spotlight for what I believed was a defect of mine! I felt SO ashamed that I went home and told my family it was for pulling the funniest face! That was the person that I thought I SHOULD be. The funny, confident one, rather than the quiet one stuck in her shell.

There’s nothing worse

There’s nothing worse as a child who experiences shyness, than for people to bring attention to it all the time. Some children are born with more sensitive temperaments, meaning that they’re wired with a need to pause and check-out their environment. Whilst others are born more inclined to boldly jump into new situations head first, without any prior analysis.

For those children with a quieter temperament, who like to pause and check, it’s all too easy for them to be labelled as ‘shy’. If this is reinforced enough times, it can be self-fulfilling. Therefore, the child’s shyness becomes a direct result of them expecting and imagining themselves to be this way.

They can then go on to feel like people are constantly observing and judging them. This lays unhelpful groundwork for potential social anxiety as they grow up.

This can absolutely be prevented, however. I’m not saying that having a quieter and more sensitive temperament is a problem, because it’s not. In fact, it’s a quality I now value very highly in myself. It’s the labelling and interpretation of it that’s the problem.

The most important thing you can do

The most important thing you can do is help them to see that they FEEL shy, rather than they ARE shy. There’s a big difference. They need to know that it’s OK to feel shy and that they’re not being judged for it. It’s just one of many feelings that makes them human. Don’t make it a big deal and if you can sense they’re experiencing shyness in a situation, just very warmly ask them how they’re feeling. Encourage them to talk openly about it and to see that it’s normal to feel that way. Reassure them that you love them just the way they are and that you will work together to help them feel more comfortable.

BUT WILL THEY BE STUCK THIS WAY?

No! You can absolutely nurture and support your child in a way that builds them up to feel more comfortable and confident. Whilst their temperament may always be one that’s more on the introverted or sensitive side, this does not mean that they will forever be shy. I’m living proof of that! You can be confident AND quieter in nature. It’s very important that your child views their experiences of shyness as something they can change.

Get in touch if you’d like to discuss working together so that your child can step into their most authentically confident and empowered selves. It’s time for them to SHINE!

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah

Perfectionism- the hidden trap

As a mindset coach (and reformed perfectionist), I want to explain to you why this trait isn’t quite what you think it is. I also want you to know that this is an important issue to consider with your child as they grow up (and with yourself!).

There’s actually a lot of spin put on the word ‘perfectionist’. Most people see it as something to be proud of. I’m not suggesting that it’s wrong to take pride in what you do. This goes one step further than that, hear me out!

So a bit about me. As a child I was shy. I was plagued by this constant feeling that others were observing me and judging me. I also developed this limiting belief that I was in some way defective and not good enough. Despite having so much going for me, this feeling stayed with me.

To escape the fear of not being good enough, I worked hard to be perfect. This applied to many areas of my life; I put constant pressure on myself to prove that I WAS good enough. Let me tell you that being this way makes life so much harder! I would often overlook many of my achievements and successes, because I was focussed on what wasn’t going so well, or what I thought could or should be better. I didn’t allow myself to be human and gave my self such a hard time for my flaws. No one knew my inner struggles growing up.

This lay the foundation for 32 years of low self-esteem, depression and social anxiety. I suffered quite silently and became skilled at covering it up. Of course I could never let anyone see that I was flawed in such a way!

I wish I knew back then that I was simply human.

Perfectionism is just a bad habit! It’s this ridiculous pressure that you put on yourself because you’re running away from the fear that you’re not acceptable as you are.

It was only in my adult years that I sought help

…it literally transformed my life. I not only figured out how to get over all of my ‘issues’, but I also learnt how to become the best possible version of myself. It literally turned my life around. I ditched the perfectionism and inner-bitch. I also built my self-esteem to new levels.

If only I'd been given these insights as a child!

I knew that I had to help others apply the same tools so I went on to train and set up a very successful business as a Mindset Coach.

How to support children who display perfectionism

…encourage them to challenge this. If they smudge their homework and start trying to rub out every trace, urge them to let it go. If they’re upset because they didn’t get a high enough mark for their art project, help them to see that it’s not a big deal. That there’s no expectation on them to be getting perfect scores. If they’re deeply upset because their lego creation didn’t come out as planned, help them to see that life’s like that; sometimes we don’t quite get things right and that’s part of being human.

Be careful of how much you’re expecting of them too.

Of course, your child needs to know that it’s good to take pride in what they do. But if they’re running away from a FEAR of not being good enough and setting unrealistic standards for themselves, you need to switch their focus to GOOD ENOUGH. Their happiness depends on it.

This applies to you too! Whatever expectations you’re putting on yourself as a parent, think about ways in which these may be unrealistic. Think about how high you’re setting that bar and how can you bring it down a little bit. Are you allowing yourself to be human? Do you need to stop giving yourself such a hard time?

I’m loving my positively imperfect life and am a far cry from the self-berating person that I used to be. I want this for you and your child too!

Let’s get our kids and ourselves flourishing! Please don’t hesitate to get in touch via my contacts page if you have any questions or are looking for some support with your parenting.

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah :-)

How to Connect With Your Child Emotionally

Parents, your little human still has such limited knowledge and experience of the world. They’re navigating so many challenging situations and there’s no other time that emotions are felt so strongly.

So how exactly can you make sure that you’re connecting enough with your children when they struggle with big emotions?

One of my sons is a little highly strung and really feels his emotions strongly. I’ve made an intentional and conscious effort to stay connected with him throughout his melt-down moments. This is not always easy of course and my patience can be tested from time to time (I’m human too). But it’s already having a positive effect on his ability to handle his feelings and calm himself down. Here are my 5 top tips:

1) Try to have awareness and empathy for the struggles and difficulties your child experiences. Take time to feel curious about what’s going on in their mind.

2) Give them the message that it’s ‘ok’ and that they're ‘safe’ to feel the way they feel. Your child needs to know that you accept them and support them even when they’re at their worst.

3) Stay with them when they’re having a meltdown or wobble. Sometimes just staying quietly beside them is enough.

4) Don’t teach your children to brush an emotion under the carpet. Teach them to accept it and to sit with it for a while before moving on. They need to know that you see their feelings as valid. That you’re witnessing their struggle and you support them and have their back. No judgements.

5) Don’t contradict, minimize or dismiss your child’s experience of events. Their reactions may seem irrational, over the top or ridiculous to you at times. But if you express that, it can cause a massive disconnect between you both. What they’re feeling is very real to them and they desperately want your acceptance and support.

If your child is unable to feel connected to you when they’re struggling with big feelings, they may learn that their feelings aren’t welcome. That they’re better off keeping them inside.

Having an understanding and acceptance of an emotion, is the first step towards gaining control over it.

Learning to suppress an emotion is a step towards giving IT control over you.

Everyone is born with a need to connect deeply with others, which is key in achieving true happiness in life.

Knowing that you have their back and understand them, helps your child to develop a wonderful foundation. On this they will grow up to feel secure, accepted and confident enough to push past any fears or struggles.

If you don’t think you have this quite nailed yet as a parent, please don’t give yourself a hard time. You’re not alone. If you think any of these tips could benefit you and help you to be more connected to your child, jot them down. Make a note on your phone or take a screenshot.

Just start having greater awareness of areas where you can improve and start making small steps to better support your child. You’re aiming for progress over perfection. Parenting is darn hard at times. There’s no judgement here, just one parent to another- I want you to know that you’ve got this. Let’s all work to be better so our kids can FLOURISH (and we can too!)

Supporting you all the way,

Sarah 😊