Parents, your little human still has such limited knowledge and experience of the world. They’re navigating so many challenging situations and there’s no other time that emotions are felt so strongly.
So how exactly can you make sure that you’re connecting enough with your children when they struggle with big emotions?
One of my sons is a little highly strung and really feels his emotions strongly. I’ve made an intentional and conscious effort to stay connected with him throughout his melt-down moments. This is not always easy of course and my patience can be tested from time to time (I’m human too). But it’s already having a positive effect on his ability to handle his feelings and calm himself down. Here are my 5 top tips:
1) Try to have awareness and empathy for the struggles and difficulties your child experiences. Take time to feel curious about what’s going on in their mind.
2) Give them the message that it’s ‘ok’ and that they're ‘safe’ to feel the way they feel. Your child needs to know that you accept them and support them even when they’re at their worst.
3) Stay with them when they’re having a meltdown or wobble. Sometimes just staying quietly beside them is enough.
4) Don’t teach your children to brush an emotion under the carpet. Teach them to accept it and to sit with it for a while before moving on. They need to know that you see their feelings as valid. That you’re witnessing their struggle and you support them and have their back. No judgements.
5) Don’t contradict, minimize or dismiss your child’s experience of events. Their reactions may seem irrational, over the top or ridiculous to you at times. But if you express that, it can cause a massive disconnect between you both. What they’re feeling is very real to them and they desperately want your acceptance and support.
If your child is unable to feel connected to you when they’re struggling with big feelings, they may learn that their feelings aren’t welcome. That they’re better off keeping them inside.
Having an understanding and acceptance of an emotion, is the first step towards gaining control over it.
Learning to suppress an emotion is a step towards giving IT control over you.
Everyone is born with a need to connect deeply with others, which is key in achieving true happiness in life.
Knowing that you have their back and understand them, helps your child to develop a wonderful foundation. On this they will grow up to feel secure, accepted and confident enough to push past any fears or struggles.
If you don’t think you have this quite nailed yet as a parent, please don’t give yourself a hard time. You’re not alone. If you think any of these tips could benefit you and help you to be more connected to your child, jot them down. Make a note on your phone or take a screenshot.
Just start having greater awareness of areas where you can improve and start making small steps to better support your child. You’re aiming for progress over perfection. Parenting is darn hard at times. There’s no judgement here, just one parent to another- I want you to know that you’ve got this. Let’s all work to be better so our kids can FLOURISH (and we can too!)
Supporting you all the way,
Sarah 😊