You’re most likely here because you can’t shake the feeling that there could be more going on for your highly sensitive child.
Perhaps you’re wondering if they actually ARE highly sensitive after all …Or could they be autistic?
I really do understand the confusion and I hope that this article offers you some clarity ❤️.
I’m Sarah Weaver, an Emotional Health Coach For Children and Families specialising in supporting those who are Highly Sensitive and/or Autistic.
The dilemma of Elaine Aron’s highly sensitive trait in light of recent research into autism
Keep reading to understand why there is significant potential for many autistic children to be missed as a result of chalking it all up to them being highly sensitive.
To date Elaine herself seems to have overlooked the significant overlap with autism and the dilemma this poses for people who very likely COULD have more going on than just the highly sensitive trait.
This means that for many children you are only getting a part of the picture and a key part of them will not be understood and accounted for.
Highly Sensitive Vs Autism
Autism is a hugely misunderstood area, ranging of course from severe and needing huge amounts of care, to those who are much more able to function despite their differences. The latter being what we’re talking about here.
Ultimately we’re referring to the wonderfully neurodiverse individuals of the world.
The Sensitivity spectrum
As unique and diverse human beings, we’re not all wired the same. A significant proportion of us are designed to be much more sensitive to the world, experiencing it very differently as a result.
We’re not just talking about ‘sensitive’ in the traditional sense of the word; we’re referring to biologically-based sensitivity and something that’s hugely beneficial to humankind.
Those high in biological sensitivity will inevitably experience a lot more stress on their nervous system as a result of various social, physical and emotional stimuli. Some can also have a more finely-tuned perceptual field that’s able to notice and pick up on more.
So there’s a whole spectrum of differences in how we all experience and process the world.
Orchid, tulip or dandelion?
In 2005, researchers in biological sensitivity introduced the flower metaphor to describe these differences.
Orchids being the sensitive ones who need more careful nurturing in order to do well. Dandelions, who are able to thrive more easily even in difficult circumstances. And then tulips, who are in the middle.
It beautifully reflects the differences in environmental sensitivity and when we’re talking about highly sensitive children and autistic children, these are the ‘orchids’ of the world.
As well as there being such a spectrum, there has also been a revolutionary trait identified and coined as the highly sensitive trait by Elaine Aron who discovered it.
The Highly Sensitive Trait
Coming across this trait has been a game-changer for so many people and impacts an estimated 20% of the population. Probably the most distinguishing aspect is that it also involves an intriguing ability of the brain to process the world at a much greater depth.
The huge mental capacity that makes this a very exciting trait to have, creates the paradoxical situation whereby it becomes a child’s greatest potential gift, yet one of their greatest potential threats to their wellbeing too (think superpower AND kryptonite!).
It takes very careful nurturing to balance these competing aspects so that they’re able to shine despite the world being hugely biased against them.
Elaine Aron has taken us leaps forward in many ways, but distinguishing high sensitivity from autism has been a sorely neglected area
Elaine Aron identified the trait in the 1980s after much research, and really paved the way for much better understanding of the ‘orchids’ of the world, who up until that point were just being labelled as ‘shy’, ‘introverted’ or ‘inhibited’.
Elaine has played a key part in evolving our understanding of an important area of individual difference, distinguishing it from labels that weren’t quite right. This has taken us leaps forward in our understanding and given so may misunderstood people a life-altering sense of validation and ‘belonging’.
But a huge spanner has been thrown in the works…
Now that the understanding of autism has more recently taken leaps forward too, it has really brought to light a huge overlap- and THIS is causing a lot of confusion.
There is subsequently so much potential for people who could in fact now be assessed as autistic as well as highly sensitive, to miss the opportunity to understand themselves even more fully.
THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.
THE KEY CHARACTERISTICS:
To be classed as highly sensitive, ALL of the following criteria will fit them to some degree:
They experience and process the world much more deeply
Your child will take in more, think more, notice more, remember more, question more…their brains are like super-computers!
They are prone to overstimulation
As a result of their brain’s impressive depth and capacity, they will be prone to the overwhelm and intensity that comes with it.
This might present as ‘meltdowns’, ‘shutdowns’, difficulty sleeping, sadness, anger or despair. How often this occurs depends largely on how well they are able to live in alignment with their unique needs.
They are Emotionally Intense
Whilst this isn't always externally obvious, all highly sensitive children FEEL so much more deeply. Their emotions are experienced in a much more dialled-up way and they can’t turn this off.
They have a Sensitivity To The Subtleties
Think of it like they have millions of antennas creating a greater bombardment on their senses. They notice and feel everything- and with such intensity.
This can present itself in various different ways from extreme ‘fussiness’ (e.g with food, clothes, smell, noise, pain etc) to being the one who notices EVERYTHING.
….Whilst no 2 children will be the same, if these ring true for your child to some degree, you’ve done the quiz, read the books and it all resonates, then it will be safe to conclude that this trait is a good fit for them.
Please note that if you have any questions you are very welcome to reach out.
Couldn’t it ACTUALLY be Autism?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you’re probably thinking that it has to be EITHER the highly sensitive trait OR autism… But there’s a reasonable possibility that it’s BOTH.
A child can absolutely be highly sensitive AND autistic
AND IT’S REALLY EASY TO MISS.
If the highly sensitive trait does ‘fit’ your child, but you don’t feel like it fully explains them, then this would definitely warrant you exploring autism.
Likewise, if on reflection the highly sensitive trait doesn’t seem to adequately fit, then autism may be the more accurate explanation and a logical avenue to explore.
Why is it so easy to overlook autism?
Many autistic individuals are so incredibly adept at masking that it’s very difficult to see their inner challenges and differences. It can be incredibly subtle from an observer's standpoint.
But they have differences nonetheless… in social preferences, sensory needs, preferred ways of learning and communicating and how they perceive the world.
Oftentimes the child who is an expert masker has simply adapted to a world that’s just not designed for them. And these difference may be totally hidden.
Like fish out of water, they end up living totally out of alignment of their natural preferences and needs in order to feel accepted.
It’s no wonder they’re struggling!
It becomes easy to see how such a significant aspect of your child may have been overlooked. As well as why it’s so darn confusing when all you’ve been reading about is the highly sensitive trait.
Though understanding of autism is greatly expanding, many individuals are still missed because of hugely outdated information that still abounds.
The trouble is that there are so many individuals that do not fit these often stereotyped descriptions. It’s so easy to do one of the many outdated quizzes online, or read about the ‘classical’ presentation of autism, to then confidently declare;
“This doesn’t fit them AT ALL!”.
Many are falling into the cracks because the updated research and insights into the less common presentations of autism have not yet filtered through into mainstream understanding.
Shockingly this includes many healthcare professionals, psychologists and educators-even many autism assessors themselves. Unfortunately that’s the reality of change (it ‘plods’).
And when you’ve already identified with the informative and evidence-based trait of high sensitivity, it can prevent you from delving any deeper.
So the highly sensitive trait poses a real dilemma!
The overlaps
Many things overlap between the highly sensitive trait and autism. Afterall they’re both in essence forms of biologically based sensitivity, meaning that overwhelm, sensory overload, overstimulation will inevitably occur for each.
And due to the inevitable nervous system impact, both can feature the following factors to some degree:
Sensory issues
‘Meltdowns’ or ‘shutdowns’
A dislike of change
Inflexibility in certain areas
Preference for routines
Social challenges
‘Black and white’ thinking
The need to control situations
…These are understandable responses to a world that just isn’t designed for them.
So it really isn’t surprising that it feels so hard to untangle!
Plus, the degree to which these issues arise is also down to their environment and the responses of those involved in raising and educating them, rather than just the ‘label’ itself.
Trauma is also a compounding variable and has a significant impact on nervous system sensitivity and how the world is ‘processed’. So nothing is clear-cut here!
Couldn’t they both just be the same thing?
That’s such a good question, one that many people ask me and I’ve pondered on myself.
Given that some autistic individuals are so good at masking, it’s no surprise that there’s so much confusion and no quick answer. Plus we’re still in the relatively early days of unravelling autism
However there are some red flags to look out for, that do distinguish it from the highly sensitive trait. These are largely backed up by some of the most up to date research.
Please note that whilst these are common indicators of autism, these can still be subtle or even hidden.
Keep an open mind as to what may lay beneath the surface of your child’s behaviour and responses. But equally, don’t jump straight to conclusions either.
Some Red Flags For Autism
These are intended as a suggested factors that are more specific to autism (ESPECIALLY in those who are easy to miss) and an illustration as to how it may differ from the highly sensitive trait.
*Links for research/further reading are included below at the end of this article.
Social difficulties that may only start appearing a few years into school and closer to middle school/secondary school
Social challenges that are with peers the same age, whilst they seem to interact a lot better with adults, or with children who are a couple of years older or younger.
For girls: a preference for playing with boys
Discomfort making eye contact (but awareness of expectations means they ‘force’ themselves to)
Having a particularly intense area of interest. This can be a perfectly typical interest, but the red flag is when it’s abnormal in the intensity.
Particular difficulty understanding and talking about how they are feeling
Awkwardness starting and ending conversations and/or difficulty with the back-and-fourth flow
Unusual communication style that at times may seem too direct/blunt
Difficulty understanding other people’s intentions
Difficulty understanding unspoken social ‘rules’ or personal space
Particularly strong reactions to small changes in routine that can totally derail them (e.g their usual teacher not being in)
Particularly intense and out-of-proportion reactions to transitions, e.g. coming away from a video game, ending an activity, leaving the house
Rigid thinking that can result in huge upsets and conflict.
Some of these factors may of course be present without them being autistic. Or they may just be so well hidden that it’s hard to judge.
But if any of it resonates, or you have a strong gut feeling that there’s more going on, then it would certainly warrant further exploration.
Do we even need labels anyway?
You might be wondering if you necessarily need to seek diagnosis at this point?
It’s beyond the scope of this article to unravel all the pros and cons, but for now my suggestion is to streamline your efforts and attention onto what they need of YOU.
It might be pretty clear that they have big emotions, heightened sensitivity and certain aspects of life can be very bothersome. So knowing how to best support all of this FIRST, is arguably way more of a priority than focussing on a label.
Let’s face it, the world simply isn’t designed for the ‘orchids’. They’re essentially square pegs being expected to fit into round holes.
The degree to which these children end up anxious, angry, unhappy, struggling, lacking in confidence etc is not due to the ‘label’ itself, but largely due to how well they are able to live in alignment with their unique needs. As well as how they are perceiving themselves.
If however you have huge concerns and a quick diagnosis could mean that your child will receive the support they need (e.g at school), then seeking an assessment would totally make sense.
Whatever you decide, I have a wonderful FREE course that can help.
Because regardless of the label, kids need understanding , acceptance and a safe space to land as their authentic selves. Especially given how biased this world can be against them (the irony is that the world needs THESE minds right now!)
What you’ll love about this FREE course:
It has been designed ESPECIALLY for parents of highly sensitive and neurodiverse children
It aims to give you THE BEST foundations and starting point for whatever you are facing
There are various follow-on options available for further support if you want it
It’s ideal for sharing with family members (especially those who might currently not ‘get’ your child!)
It’s inside a cosy little app, so will only ever be one click away!
INQUIRE ABOUT SUPPORT
I’m Sarah Weaver, Psychotherapist and Emotional Health Coach for families, specialising in high sensitivity and neurodiversity.
My passion and ‘genius-zone’ is in helping these wonderfully unique and valuable young people to FLOURISH and SHINE.
Inquire about support via the contact form below.
*PLEASE check your spam folder* as sometimes my replies can end up there. If you’re happy to leave your phone number you will receive a text notification to let you know I’ve replied.
*For the latest research into autism, especially in children who ‘mask’, I’d thoroughly recommend the book “Is This Autism?” by Donna Henderson, Sarah Wayland and Jamell White.
To me this book is (by a country mile!) THE BEST, providing the most relevant and up to date information out there.