Very commonly when a parent comes to me for help, they are battling to explain being HSP to a partner or other family member who is either struggling to believe that it is a ‘real thing’ OR is struggling to come to terms with their child being ‘different’.
So if this is you, feel free to share this post with them. I also have a free course designed to warm up and inspire even the most reluctant of parents to the idea of change!
Or if you are ‘this’ partner and this page has been shared with you, then I’m extremely happy that you’ve popped over to my little corner of the internet. You are most welcome here- and always with zero judgment.
Here’s what your family needs you to know about being a HSP:
High Sensitivity is a REAL and BIOLOGICALLY-BASED trait, with solid science behind it
It exists in 1 in 5 people
It's as real as say colour blindness or left handedness, yet it's not quite so easily accepted.
It is a vastly overlooked and under-recognised aspect of individual difference and this has the potential to be hugely problematic for your child.
It comes with many gifts so there’s a hugely positive flip-side.
Many myths and misconceptions abound too, so I’d say that the most important thing to note is that we’re not talking about sensitivity in the traditional sense of the word.
We’re talking about hard-wired, in-born nervous system sensitivity.
Since 4 in 5 of humans do not fall into this category, the world simply does not (yet) give it the attention it needs. And children like yours are being misunderstood and undervalued time and time again.
I can’t blame you if you sometimes feel uncomfortable with the idea that your child is in some way different from the majority, or if you find the term ‘highly sensitive’ a bit jarring. By the way, if you want to use a more scientific -sounding term, it is also known as ‘Sensory Processing Sensitivity'. In fact I prefer this as it elicits fewer misconceptions.
I have first hand experience of how challenging it is to parent these children, so if you find their seemingly over-the-top reactions, behaviour or ‘fussiness’ triggering at times, then please know that I get it and you’re absolutely not alone.
BUT I promise you that if you’re constantly wondering “why does my child over react so much?”, it’s all explainable.
It all has a legitimate cause.
Being highly sensitive essentially means to have a nervous system that's very easily over-aroused and a brain that is wired in a way that makes them experience the world very differently.
THIS CANNOT be switched off.
NOR can this be ‘trained out of them’ (in fact this will be a sure-fire route to future mental health struggles).
Being highly sensitive encompasses 4 key characteristics:
1- Your child processes the world more deeply-noticing more, thinking more, remembering more
2- Your child feels all of their emotions intensely- for some this is outwardly obvious, but for others it’s masked and suppressed
3- Your child has heightened perceptivity- this can be with sensory factors, bodily sensations or amazing observational skills noticing what others tend to miss (they're super tuned-in to even slight unfairness and hypocrisy in your parenting!).
4-Your child has an inevitable vulnerability to overstimulation (because their brains are so much busier with all of the above)
If you currently do not have this insight and understanding firmly in your conscious awareness, then your resultant ‘blind spot’ will be the biggest thing that gets in the way of them growing up to be thriving, confident and resilient individuals.
The trouble is that right now your child is probably not too high on emotional security or self-worth. They KNOW they don’t always react to life like others and THEY KNOW that they are sometimes seen as unacceptable.
This doesn’t pass them by, and is ironically feeding hugely into the challenges you face with them.
You need to get your head around how to help your highly sensitive child, before it’s too late.
We can all have blind spots in life- but more times than not with parents who are struggling with their emotionally intense children this is down to:
High sensitivity not being on their radar AT ALL…(through no fault of their own).
…and/or:
How THEY were parented (we simply can’t give what we weren’t given ourselves-plus ,we often unconsciously parent with similar responses to those we received).
...Food for thought perhaps?
Maybe high sensitivity just hasn't been in your conscious awareness. Either way, this will make you far more likely to be led by annoyance, or even fear when you face those challenging moments (which makes everything WORSE).
But let’s not get too deep here…What you most need to know is that your child can absolutely overcome their struggles; whether this is meltdowns, outbursts, anger, anxiety, lack of confidence and so on.
BUT- this can’t happen without YOU.
There’s so much more to tell you…
High sensitivity is not a weakness; in fact once your child builds emotional security, then their capabilities are actually immense and their outbursts and struggles will become distant memory!
There is much to be excited about with this trait.
AND it doesn't have to be as daunting or overwhelming as it may feel. Nor does it have to be the big deal that you might fear.
If you don't invest enough time into understanding this trait, it can be hard to help your highly sensitive child in the way that they need.
You will essentially be parenting with the biggest blindspot obscuring your view of them.
And your child will struggle.
...Your family will not be able to move past the upset, eggshell walking and emotional eruptions.
If you want to learn how best to help your highly sensitive child I would highly recommend this free parenting course as the most solid starting point.
YES your child comes with some challenges, but with the right understanding and actions, you can turn this all on its head. I promise! (for reassurance that this is possible please see what other parents are saying here).
In fact I help parents to turn their challenging situation on its head in a relatively short space of time. This is my absolute area of expertise.
The good news is that I have a free parenting course that was created to help parents like you to get your head around all of this (and it has been specifically designed in a bite-sized audio format). Sign up FOR FREE here (this is best done on your mobile phone).
For a more in depth exploration of your blind spots and struggles you can contact me here.
Supporting you all the way,
Sarah Weaver xx