I’m here to tell you why authenticity matters more right now for your HSC than a group of ‘besties’ (and why the best is yet to come)…
I love this quote and I say it to my boys often. You might remember hearing this quote in The Greatest Showman? What an awesome film for teaching kids the importance of chasing dreams and accepting people for who they are!
It’s so easy to seek comfort in the status quo, or to feel compelled to be like others. But in an ever-changing world we need independent minds more than ever. We need to bring our children up to feel SAFE to be different and to think outside the box. Also to feel motivated to follow THEIR dreams and create a life that’s authentic to THEM.
Do you ever wonder about how to help your highly sensitive child to make friends, or worry about them not fitting in socially?
Perhaps you feel sad that they don’t yet have a bestie?
Please know that you’re not alone, but not YET having a ‘bestie’ or close knit group of pals, can actually be perfectly healthy if you handle it correctly.
My highly sensitive child didn’t really find his ‘tribe’ until he moved up to Secondary School (aged 11/12). Until then he kind of felt on the outskirts. ..
He was never interested in playing football like most of the other boys and he found he had different interests to most. But whilst this sometimes made him sad, I made sure he never felt under pressure to ‘fit in’…
And here’s the thing…he came out the other side all the more resilient for it.
He was actually very comfortable with being side-lined slightly when he was younger and this was largely due to him feeling happy in his own skin.
With a strong sense of acceptance and belonging within the family unit, he was as secure as he could be. So he didn’t need to seek ‘acceptance’ or belonging elsewhere.
Once he moved up to secondary school he had a wider variety of pupils to mix with and over the first year he finally found his ‘tribe’.
He has never once compromised his authenticity on the quest for close friendships and it’s paying him dividends now in how happy, secure and at ease he feels.
His ability to be ‘ok’ with being side-lined at times is EXACTLY what ensured he found solid, happy and lasting friendships in the end.
It’s understandable to worry if your child hasn’t yet got a close-knit group of ‘besties’. It’s easy to feel that they’re somehow missing out. But the truth is that the best is yet to come for them. The best gift you can give them, is the confidence to be THEMSELVES right now. This will set them up for a lifetime of authenticity.
If your child is still in primary (or the equivalent for your country) please know that once they’re older, they'll have a new and larger population to mix with. They’ll find their tribe eventually, but for now though they’re experiencing the world as it really is…
We don’t always get to choose the people we’re surrounded by. There will always be groups or teams that we become part of, but with whom we don’t quite connect. That’s ok. That's life.
It’s far better for them to take their time to find the right people, than to rush into the wrong friendships just so that they can ‘fit in’. This does not lead to long term happiness, only short-term (and inauthentic) security.
If your child is older and struggling, then there’s still a huge amount of hope too and please know that it can be turned around.
I wish I’d been able to achieve the same, but sadly as a child with very wobbly emotional foundations I lost parts of who I was in an attempt to ‘fit in’ with people who were just never aligned to me in the first place.
As long as your highly sensitive child is true to who they really are, what they stand for and what they love, they’ll be able to live a life of true belonging, authenticity and connection. It doesn't matter if they don't have the perfect social circle right now, or haven't found their BFF yet. The best IS yet to come if you nurture them to believe it.
Need some support to help your highly sensitive to child make friends, whilst feeling confident and happy as their authentic selves?
I know that it isn’t always so straightforward for many families. Some highly sensitive children can find themselves feeling really lonely and struggling and this breaks my heart.
To see them struggle like this and to just desperately want to help your highly sensitive child to make good friends is so hard for you as a parent. I’m sending heaps of love to those of you who feel really stuck and helpless right now.
But please know that it absolutely DOES NOT have to stay this way.
Reach out today to inquire about my one-to-one support packages for your highly sensitive child.
I will be your child’s biggest cheerleader! (And they will feel comforted to know that I’m highly sensitive too, so I really do get it).
“Seeing the relationship between our daughter and Sarah has been one of my favourite aspects of the service; our daughter has massively grown in confidence and self-esteem” - Jo, Gloucestershire.
Supporting you all the way,
Sarah❤️